Good bye and good riddance old year. Time for the new year. Skål!!!!!! Proost!!!!!! Gezondheid!!!!!! Gan bei!!!!!!
The Hospital
I went to the hospital today. Nothing in regards to my personal being, I had to take someone there. I realized a weird quirk about myself pertaining to any type of hospital, which is simply this: I have a hospital germ-a-phobia. For some reason I don't like to touch ANYTHING in a hospital. My mind thinks everything is riddled with germs of sick, diseased, and dying people. I'm always afraid that if I go inside a hospital that I'll catch some sort of sickness. If I'm forced to sit, I try to move as little as possible and keep every possession on me inside my pockets. I know its silly and that it should be very clean there and I see plenty of sanitizer dispensers all over the place, but still! Its there and it won't go away.
Reviving The Emerald Within
I have reached a pivotal point. I've had it. I'm finished. I am taking a firm stance. Back up against the wall. I WILL fight. I don't care if I win or lose. All that matters is that they don't win. Ever. I had a moment of pure anger and hatred and wanted nothing more than to scream at the top of my lungs and punch and kick anything and everything as hard and as long as I could. But I couldn't. All I could do was let the tears fall. The rage is gone now and I feel calm, steady, in control. I will fight. If I don't fight now I will be lost forever. It is time to rise to the challenge. IT IS TIME TO FIGHT!!!!
Welcome back...?
Thursday the 17th, would have been the day I came back from Singapore.
All I can think is how I really haven't accomplished anything meaningful. I feel like a broken object that had no purpose to begin with.
I wish I knew how to wake up and fix things. To wake up and live.
What the what?!
So, just barely the phone rang. Odd that it would ring at such a random time of the day, not too odd though. The real stickler is what showed up on the caller id. The little box on the phone showed the number the caller was calling from, but how could that be???? The phone number they were calling from was the very SAME number they were calling. How could someone call from MY HOME NUMBER be calling me? It is impossible. It even had my father's name listed, same exact home number, and NO ONE else was home. How do you explain that?! I didn't answer because first off it was very odd, second it could have been some sort of scam, and third, I'm not an idiot. When your home number is calling you at your home number something is definitely wrong. Just makes you say what the what?! I mean, come on, really?
Don't Stop Believin'
Ahhhh growing up can be a pain.
What did you want to be when growing up? When I was little I remember saying I wanted to be a cop. As I grew up though I tried different things I wanted the typical boy dream of being a professional basketball player, (or not so much typical soccer player). Then I wanted to be an actor a little later on in life. Growing up some more I didn't know what to be anymore. All I knew was school, school, and more school. Then college came and I tried a few different things thinking I would enjoy them but the interest faded away. Various jobs also weeded out some things that I didn't want to do. What about now, this very moment in time, what would I want to be? Maybe that little boy knew what he wanted, because I've been thinking if I should become a cop. It could be a fragment of his memory before being born. Maybe.
Life is too short. I wish I could live out my life many times and accomplish specific things, like being an amazing roller-skater, professional soccer player, a police officer, a famous actor, a member of a band being able to play guitar and drums, travel the world.
I seem to just have a hard time moving on, growing up, and just live my life. I still feel pretty childish in some ways.
Normally I'm a very organized person, I plan things out. Lately though my appetite for life has withered away. I hunger and thirst for a new tomorrow, a new life, new music, a new scene. My desk is littered with various sticky notes I could care less to rifle through and throw out old information, an unread book I've been dying to read, a stack of cds I've been meaning to listen to, a half eaten sandwich, a cup of Coke, other various papers for different things, and other random objects that shouldn't be on my desk in the first place. Just like my desk, my mind is cluttered with nonsense, my appetite for food doesn't exist, blah blah blah.
Things were easy when you're a kid. Far too easy. All you had to really worry about was what fun thing you wanted to do. Like bugging grandma while she babysat you. :D Bugging her with this:
This work of beauty is an ancient toy. A toy she has always had since I remember. It makes this lovely annoying laser-ish sound when you pull the trigger and it would light up at the same time. It has been years since the lights work, but the sound works like a charm with only the change of its battery every so often. This little bugger has been hidden countless times, and countless times it has been discovered by my little hands only to hold down the trigger as I run through the halls of her house. Now it is time to grow up and pass on this legendary toy, but to whom? I can't give it to some nilly-willy little retard of a clumsy butt who would break it in a heartbeat. It has to be someone who will take care of it like I did, so that it will last forever and continue its journey in this world to annoy the old people. To remind them to live life to their fullest, to not let things in life get to them and bring them down, to remember the good times. And to annoy them sometimes. :) Who knows, maybe this Christmas I'll give the gift of annoyance one last time, one more pull of the trigger. We'll see what my mischievous mind decides.
