Nothing special happened today really. I have kind of been in a weird zone all day. Church was a typical church day, prayers were said, hymns sung, and talks given. The only odd thing I happened to notice was after our final meeting/class, which happens to be priesthood and relief society, the majority of guys went out the room only to stand in the hall by the stairs. Were they waiting for the girls to come down? Possibly, and the most likely answer, but still odd because so many of them were standing there. I really didn't care and went on my way and left.
I went with my parents to visit my grandparents for a few hours. It was nice as usual, especially since I haven't seen them in a while. Nothing fancy happened there, just a bunch of conversing.
Lately my mind keeps wandering back to a couple things. One being this: Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? I have talked about my situation a bit before and it feels like I am not contributing anything to anyone in any form. I can't help thinking about it even if I don't want to or try not to. It is my human nature to think about how I will survive and thrive in this life so that I can move forward. The other thing my mind keeps thinking about is this: Should I really go after something relative to a dream, no matter how crazy or absurd the majority of people think it will be? I don't even know if I should expand on this or not. I want to, need to, get these thoughts out and down on something, or merely to share it with someone other than God. But I'm actually afraid to do just that. I'm afraid. I'm never afraid of anything really, so why this and why now? Yes I know a lot of people will laugh at me and my absurd idea, and a lot will have mixed feelings and a ton of doubt, and others will give "encouragement" to be nice, while a rare sliver (if any at all really) will back me up with everything they have. I know all that. And I know that to get some where great, to be something great, that the road there will be long and hard, but well worth it. The trick is having enough faith, in the right things. Faith in God.
Faith in yourself.
On Saturday I was able to go to an event that had a few speakers. Mentioned by one of them was the fact that something like 77% of our own thoughts are negative and that another percentage (similar to 77%) of sicknesses and other health related problems either mentally, emotionally, physically, are self-induced. Where they got these statistics or so-called facts eludes me because I don't recall them stating anything of the sort, but I agree with them though. We as humans tend to think negatively, a lot. We can easily see other peoples strengths while thinking we don't have any, and we love to compare our weaknesses with other peoples strengths. We worry and fret far too much and end up thinking we have this sickness or ailment when we really don't, our minds do amazing things. Anyway, having faith in yourself, knowing what your true strengths are will help you move forward and through hard times. Knowing that you can do something, you just have to have faith in yourself and simply believe. I seem to love to give advice, yet I need to learn how to take my own advice. I realize that I am afraid to try going for a crazy dream because what if I don't succeed? I can have faith in myself and believe and still come short, because possibly I won't have what it takes but a certain margin. I really do want to try, because that is the only way to know if you will succeed or not. It's as simple as that. I have come to hate when people say "there is no try", "there is only do or do not", "blah blah blah", "insert actual Yoda quote". Don't get me wrong, I'm not hating on Yoda, he's awesome. But life isn't Star Wars, life isn't a movie. There is a try, and it is the only thing we can do to find out if we make it or not. In some things we can keep trying until we reach the right answer or end, other things not so much. Just go for it though. Just do it. Just try. Just try, because you will never know if you don't.
Quote of the Day(Faith):
"Challenges, difficulties, question, doubts—these are part of our
mortality. But we are not alone. As disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ,
we have enormous spiritual reservoirs of light and truth available to
us. Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. In our
days of difficulty, we choose the road of faith. Jesus said, 'Be not
afraid, only believe' (Mark 5:36)." - Neil L. Andersen You Know Enough, Ensign," Nov. 2008, 14
The Sunday Post - Issue #6
The Sunday Post - Issue #5
Happy Father's Day everyone!!!!!!
Man, I started this post but simply could not find any words beyond the first line. So instead I listened to some music and played some games. Not a whole lot really happened. An average Sunday to be honest.
One of the speakers in church mentioned the people in his life. How people are put here to help each other get through certain trials. I touched on this topic before and I still feel that I am not really in anybody's life, other than my family. So it has been hard to get through some crap. The only other point that stuck out from the talks was that you can still change, that we need to think about what we do and if by doing said action will it put us in God's territory or the adversaries? You may be close to being in God's territory, you could be a minute away or it may be a longer journey for others like a few years or more. The key thing to remember is you should start today. Do not wait. Do. Not. Wait. You can change. Do it now. Start now. Starting things is always the hardest step. It is like trying to start a college paper on a stupid topic, or starting to go running to get into shape. Once you start it gets easier, nothing like a stroll in a park or a piece of cake, because there will always be bumps and obstacles in our way. But by building a strong foundation and trusting in Jesus Christ and God you can overcome them. Starting something ties in with what I mentioned before in my last issue, you should be acting instead of waiting to be acted upon.
Anyway, in short, this week has been pretty crappy. Especially Monday. I had an interview scheduled. I gave myself plenty of time to get there. Guess what?! There was construction, imagine that! Then I couldn't find the place. I was eight minutes late. Upon entering she said she wouldn't interview me merely because I was late and that they have a super strict policy on that. So I was polite to her. But really???? I mean, come on. Have the bloody DECENCY and RESPECT as a HUMAN BEING to interview me. Sure I may have "wasted" eight minutes of her "oh-so-important-life", but yet its okay for her to waste two hours of my time and gas. I tried my best to get there, things happen, I was polite, and yet its apparently okay for her to was two hours of my time and judge me off of one thing. Yeah, that is just stupid. Judging someone off of one thing is sheer idiocy. So that was how my week started off, pretty awesome huh? Yeah, I was super mad and couldn't drive for about fifteen minutes and when I did I was still driving pretty dang fast. Thanks Jennifer for being such an awesome human being. Not.
For Father's Day, the sisters in our ward made us some rice crispy treats, a couple kinds, for us future husbands/fathers and the ones that already are. It was pretty sweet.
I wanted to share a few sayings, or quotes, that I came across that came through people I know in real life. All three are kind of similar in message, achieving something or reaching your dreams, accomplishing things.
- "Nothing worth having was ever achieved without intense work and absolute unwavering persistence." - this was from an old friend Chelsea, she never responded to if these were her own words or pulled from somewhere.
- "If no one is laughing at your dreams, they aren't big enough." - this came from an elderly lady when she was talking to my friend Monte.
- "It is more than being able to accomplish anything you set your mind to - it is setting your mind to something that is more important to you than anything that could hold you back. A change of mind and a change of life can only come with a change of heart." - this one came from a friend named Shayla.
I thought all three of those were pretty great for obvious reasons. Uplifting and motivational. I was going to use these three quotes in place of the quote of the day but I decided not to, the quote of the day seems a bit more geared towards me, but it might hit home with others.
Quote of the Day -
"At times some may think that no one cares--but someone always cares!
Your Heavenly Father will not leave you to struggle alone, but stands
ever ready to help." - Thomas S. Monson "Three Gates to Open," CES Fireside for Young Adults, Jan. 14, 2001
The Sunday Post - Issue #4
I must admit, Sundays are being unkind to me. Only in the morning really. It ties into eating in the morning, and as you know I have a hard time doing just that. This only really became a problem after high school. It is a bad thing, because I should be, and need to be, eating in the morning. It is vital and healthy to do so. So how does Sunday, of all days, relate to all this? It forces me to eat something. Because if I don't don't eat something my stomach will make noises in church. Note, this ONLY happens on Sundays. If I want to avoid such awkwardness I have to force myself to eat, and like today I chose a banana and milk, harmless right? HA! The milk was fine, I can drink liquids, its the eating that gets to me. The banana went down well enough up until the last bite or two and a few minutes later my stomach was not happy but I made it fine and kept it down. Thanks Sunday mornings and thanks grumpy stomach.
In the past I could focus on the speakers to a perfect "T". Now, though, it is a joke. If they start saying "uh" or "um" they tend to lose my focus for some odd reason, or if they are monotonous, my mind becomes restless which in turn makes my body restless which of course turns into my A.D.D. that loves to shine its face around. Being restless ties into what I thought was something good from one of the talks.
You should act instead of waiting to be acted upon. This may relate to why I don't have many friends any more, but only to a certain degree, merely because I think I fall more into the "waiting to be acted upon" group, but I also think of what I've been doing lately and I think I'm in between both right now but headed towards the "act" group. It hit me pretty hard though. You shouldn't sit and wait for opportunities or for things to come to you because they may never come and you'll miss out on many things. If you act, and go forth, expend the energy and effort to keep yourself active and doing this or talking to that person, your chances of living life itself are so much more exponentially higher as opposed to sitting and waiting, doing nothing.
On a side note, before I forget, I noticed two silly things. One - in sacrament meeting I popped my knuckles and noticed that two other people were then inclined to pop theirs, I thought it was funny and put a smile on my face. Just because I did it, something triggers in them which makes them do this bad habit. Two - in priesthood meeting, a guy was using his phone to play a dumb little game where you are Spider-man swinging from building to building, that is all you do. I noticed as the bishop walked in he quickly went to his phone menu or whatever and then when the bishop had passed by he pulled the game back up. I couldn't help but laugh inside because this isn't a job, nothing is going to happen to you if the bishop catches you playing that silly game, you are a grown up, why hide what you are doing? Just a couple of dumb things I noticed.
So, one of the speakers brought up a kickball game they were in. Her team is mostly people from our ward, so they are all members. The opposing team, according to her, is a really good team and all members too. Beforehand she prepared herself to just have fun anyway even if they got owned. Surprisingly her team was holding their ground and doing really good against the opposing team. Which made the opposing team mad. Even though her team was trying to show good sportsmanship and attitude, the opposing team kind of went out of control and made the game miserable for her and most likely others on her team. She tied this into her talk in relation to people of the church should be kind to everyone all the time, not just during certain things, like work, or church events, or whatever, but that we need to be better than this opposing team in all aspects of life and at all times. She mentioned that competitive games or sports tend to bring out the worst in people. Which I can agree on, it brings out our competitive and aggressive side. And you all know that I love basketball and soccer, and played them both growing up. I reflect on myself and see how I handled situations and simply what my character is like. Maybe that is why I like playing them, I can see someones true character and how they would truly act. I am pleased to say that my character is in well order. Not to toot my own horn by any means. Simply that I know who I am and how I act in those types of things and the outcome is good. Not only in attitude but in other aspects, such as I would never hold someones wrist in basketball so they couldn't run away, or I would never hold onto a jersey, or flop to get a call. Cheap tricks is not my character. If you truly want to be good and have the skill you wouldn't need to do those things or throw a tantrum because a certain call was made.
In other news, I met a new girl who just happened to come to our ward today by mere chance. She seems pretty awesome. I got to talk to her a little bit during class and then some more during our "Linger Longer". I got her phone number, but hope to see her come back to our ward and to our activities. She isn't supposed to go to our ward, thus I had said by mere chance she ended up going to ours, and she is only here for the Summer.
Also in other news, I have an interview tomorrow. I really hope it goes well and that I get the job. Having no job for over a year now has really taken its toll on me.
I'm also putting together an exercise routine that works for me, so we'll see how that turns out.
Quote of the Day (Virtue) -
"Because of the knowledge of our divine identity, everything must be
different for us: our dress, our language, our priorities, and our
focus. We must not seek guidance from the world, and if our true
identity has been clouded by mistakes or sins, we can change. We can
turn around and repent and return to virtue. . . . The Savior's
Atonement is for you and for me. He invites each of us to come unto
Him." - Elaine S. Dalton, "Come Let Us Go Up to the Mountain of the Lord," Ensign, May 2009, 122
The Sunday Post - Issue #3
Today I actually got up and ready in time. So much so that I had spare time to cook me some eggs and simply enjoy my breakfast. This is a rare spectacle in my life. Usually I'm in a rush to go some where so I don't have a lot of time to eat breakfast or some times eat nothing at all! It gets so bad that when I try to eat breakfast I simply can't. Literally. For example I will pour a bowl of "Honey Nut Cheerios", first bite goes down smooth and delicious, second bite is pretty close to the same, and then....... the third bite my stomach clearly rejects it. Even if I'm hungry and want to eat, my stomach says no with a lovely gagging of my throat. So having breakfast today was marvelous.
Small note on my church A.D.D., it wasn't very apparent today but that is probably because it was testimony meeting. There was always someone different at the microphone thus keeping it in check. Although, thinking back now I did zone out on a couple people as they were speaking. In class it was more sharing thoughts on what was being taught so that kept me busy. It is still there for sure, it just had things to keep it in check today for most of the time.
After church was officially over, I felt a bit pathetic because I just hung out a little bit wanting to interact with more people. It just gets harder the older I get, all my friends that I would hang out with are married or live way too far away now. Being an introvert is what I'm good at. I can think of things to do and entertain myself with various projects, but there comes a time when you simply have to get out and do something with another human being like watch a movie, go running or a walk. S-O-M-E-T-H-I-N-G. I just don't have the friends like I used to. I will admit it is always nice to be dating someone because you want to spend time with them so you do stuff together quite often. But after my whole mission fiasco and poor decisions and the last girl I dated - the succubus - (because it felt like she drained my life essence and used and manipulated me only to toss me aside) it has been a while to get to where I am now. Anyway, moving on.
A little history of my neighbors who live directly South of me. They have been there since I can remember and I don't believe they are members of the church. They had two kids, both way older than myself. Later on the father had his two brothers move in the house across the street from them, and then later moved down the street instead. One day there was a lot of people coming and going, people dressed up, from the two brother's house and my neighbors. Apparently the father had died. To this day I still don't know how, but their trailer was gone and something might of happened while they were camping. I felt bad because it was like a week later that I found out, the people all dressed up were relatives and friends attending the funeral. This all happened about a year or two ago. Which brings us to yesterday. Yesterday the mother died. Not sure how, again, but it was either a heart attack or simply just a passing away. The son lives there with his girlfriend and daughter and he was freaking out and crying. I felt so bad for many reasons, the obvious is that he is in his 30's or 40's and both his parents are gone now, and what is he going to do now? I also felt bad because I don't know what to do, I kind of feel like a horrible neighbor. Its not like we invited them over for a barbeque or anything, but we never really went out of our way to say hello either. Just gets me thinking of family and what this church means to so many people.
Another topic from this week is my other neighbors. These ones live on the North side. This house has had many different owners over the years, no though, it is currently occupied by a family of African-Americans. They hail from Somalia and there are a chock full of little kids running around. It is like once they hit a certain age, an older age, they just disappear. Some of the boys have one heck of a potty mouth on them. There is one kid that stands out among the others, one of the little girls. I'm probably butchering her name but it is Nassi, pronounced NAH-SEE. The first time I saw this little girl she stuck out her tongue at me as I passed by and I thought she was a rotten little punkette. But since then I haven't seen anything of the sort from her. Instead she is a friendly curious little bugger. Half the time you can't understand what she is saying, because it could be in another language, but its quite evident that she is trying to say "Mister" or "Mr.", but she says "missur", sounds a bit French when she says it. She always wants to know what you are doing or what this thing is. Earlier in the week we were cleaning out some stuff from our shed and we gave Nassi and her siblings some stuffed animals. Her face lit up so bright, like a hundred candles on a birthday cake, when we gave her a super fluffy stuffed dog. She later came back and gave us three of the smaller ones back saying she didn't want them, which was hilarious. She kept looking through the fence watching us, and when we pulled out the basketballs she immediately said "Missur missur!!! I need a basketball!!!" Cute little bugger. I want to get a picture of her to put up here, but doing that kind of thing is hard. I don't want to come off as a creeper, I'm merely a photographer and journalist. Seeing a motherly lady sit on their deck while many of the small kids run around in the backyard reminded me of my mission, just like the mothers would do in Malaysia while their kids run around the village/jungle. I think about these neighbors and how they make it through each day some how, and I feel bad because the kids aren't learning things they should be learning to adjust to our American culture, or just simply things of good nature.
Which brings me to the quotes for today's post!!!! Since I mentioned family a lot, both quotes will be about just that.
The first quote comes from Ezra Taft Benson and the second one from L. Tom Perry - and I strongly agree with his a lot.
Quote #1 -
"Above all else, children need to know and feel they are loved, wanted,
and appreciated. They need to be assured of that often. Obviously, this
is a role parents should fill, and most often the mother can do it
best." - Ezra Taft Benson "Salvation--A Family Affair," Ensign, July 1992, 4
Quote #2 -
"As we take a long, hard look at the world today, it is becoming
increasingly evident that Satan is working overtime to enslave the souls
of men. His main target is the fundamental unit of society--the family.
During the past few decades, Satan has waged a vigorous campaign to
belittle and demean this basic and most important of all organizations." - L. Tom Perry "Fatherhood, an Eternal Calling," Ensign, May 2004, 69
