4 In The Morning

Well then. Imagine that. I've been falling, getting back up just to fall down again. Over. And over. And over. Now though....... I reached a new low. I couldn't help but laugh at myself, not hysterically mind you, oh no, not that at all. I'm beyond the point of hysteria. I laughed because of all things I managed to find this new low. I didn't think it was possible. But here I am. Knowing that I, and I alone, must get myself back up and dust myself off, because I know nobody really cares. Excluding family. Everyone just cares about their own little world they have created. I may keep to myself more often than not, but I always give people a hearty hello, strike up conversations, I thank people for various reasons, I tell people to have a good day or night, because who knows their day could have been quite crappy or whatever is going on in their life. But in end I know it comes down to me getting up, not relying on someone to be there. Because I know friends will come and go, some will stay longer than others, but they all end up going at some point, so what's the use of relying on them when you know you can't always count on them? Which is exactly why I'm getting up. Alone.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, the more things change the more they stay the same. I look at my computer desktop and see the temperature for Denmark, which makes me wish I was there. To see where some of my ancestors lived, to see and feel life there. I wish I was there so I could start new, to start from scratch. A blank canvas. It would be so nice to leave all the crap people I know here and go start fresh where no one knows me. The more I think about it the better it sounds. Maybe I'll make it an official goal. Heh.

I wish I was already gone.