The Sunday Post - Issue #16

I keep meaning to write "The Sunday Post", but things get in the way, or I simply think that what I have to say is meaningless or too much on the negative/mopey side(which I have to agree with).  The reason why is because I just don't have a plethora, heck even a few, of friends that I can actually talk to and vent.  A blog is a small outlet for me to get this kind of crap out of my head.  Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

So, I've been going to the Singles Ward for a while now.  In about a month and half it will be one year of being in this ward.  And a full year of not missing church once.  When I first starting going to the Singles Ward, I was going with a person that I had grown up with.  Not too long after he got engaged and moved on to better things.  I had started to get to know people in the ward but not a whole lot, but I kept getting to know people.  There were a lot of cool, nice, good people.  Key word is were.

Jimmy - got married and left the ward.
Eric - also got married and left the ward.
Cameron - moved away to play soccer at a college.
Arthur - moved downtown for various reasons.
Nicole - will be getting married and leaving the ward.
Logan - also getting married soon and will leave the ward.
Brother Kessler - was assigned to another Singles Ward.
Brother Taylor - was just released from our bishopric.

These people are awesome.  I always loved being in the same Sunday school class with Cameron because he wouldn't talk a crap ton but when he did it was meaningful, thoughtful, and usually something that wasn't mentioned before.  Arthur was friendly to everyone and always knows how to laugh.  Brother Kessler always had deep insightful things to say.  Nicole, Logan, and Jimmy were always nice company to have, people who would listen to you.  Eric though.......  Eric is awesome because he is so spiritual and kind hearted(apparently hearted isn't a word).  Eric was a teacher and always taught well, but he wasn't just good, he was meaningful, he would tear up often.  To me he always meant what he said, he fully believed whatever he was saying.  But none of them beat Brother Taylor.  He will be missed dearly.  He always had a smile on his face.  He always had time to listen to you.  He always had a handshake and hug for you.  He always cared about you.  Always.

With the lack of these good people I have found myself floating.  Don't get me wrong, there are still some awesome people in the ward.  Very few now though.  After being in the ward this long I have seen many others come and go and I have gotten to know who people are.  I actually know a lot of people that regularly attend church but I can honestly say that none of them are actually considered as a friend.  Simple update conversations or the typical small talk will take place.  Maybe being a lone wolf, a floater, is what I'm always meant to be.

Singles wards aren't what they are cracked up to be.  There are three reasons why they have these wards.  That's right, they have a purpose, imagine that.

1- To help bring back inactive members that have fallen away.  According to what was said today by a stake council member(I believe it was something along those lines), 7 out of 10 people that are single adults between the ages of 16 to 31(I also believe it was that range, it might be 18 to 30) are inactive and don't do anything church related.  That's huge.  Like, ginormously huge.

2- The Singles ward is there to help us by giving us callings to give us leadership experience and teach us how to lead the church.

3- And of course, to get us married.

I can totally agree with reasons 1 and 2, and 3 to an extent.  When I said Singles wards aren't what they are cracked up to be I meant that it isn't really all that enjoyable for different reasons.  I get that they want us to help bring others back to the church and that they want us to gain necessary experience in the church, and that it would be ideal to pair us all up.  But I really think that they try too hard maybe on reason 3.

Making real friends in a Singles ward is slim.  And of course you want to marry someone who, hopefully, you can call your best friend.  We have all of these different committees, one for Family Home Evening, one for Linger Longers, one for Stake events, etc etc etc.  The end goal in most of these is to get people to come out to do stuff with other single people and actually mingle and converse with them.  More often than not though the things that get planned give you no actual face time with people.  How can we get to know people when we get two minutes to talk to someone?  Dur, you can't.

I've been to almost every activity that has taken place and some have just been absolutely retarded.  But I won't go into that right now, just take note that I've gone to a lot of stuff to broaden my capacity of meeting people.

Now, in most Singles wards they want the guys asking the girls out.  Which I agree with.  I'm still old fashioned and prefer to do the asking.  I've gotten names and numbers and called them, never texting them to go out, or I ask them in person.  Nothing is wrong with a girl asking a guy out though, it happens but its rare.  I think that needs to happen a little bit more to be honest.  So what is the point already you are asking, well it is this:  the guys ask the girls and the girls are saying no, mixed in with some guys not asking any girls at all. 

I was talking with a couple guys about this topic and one of them brought up a good point.  I'll even use myself as an example.  

EXAMPLE OF MY LIFE:   I asked a girl for her name and number, she gave them to me and also told me she was going to be out of town for the weekend.  I called her, she didn't answer so I left a message.  Days later I called her again, she answered, I mentioned me calling her, she said she never got my message, I then proceed to ask her out, she said yes and needed to check when she could go out and would get back to me.  She never did, so I tried contacting her with no results.

So, using that example, Andrew brought up the point that the bishopric keeps telling the guys to ask the girls out, because the girls aren't getting asked out.  But in reality they are getting asked out, they are either giving us a non-answer reply, saying no, or saying yes and flaking out on you.  And one reason might be that a girl has her sights on one specific guy and that apparently qualifies the girl to complain to the bishopric that they aren't getting asked out, when in reality they just want that one guy to ask them out.  Makes sense to me though.  Now, I'm not bashing on you girls, especially because I know not all of you are like that.  But you know that is what is happening and that's how you girls are to the T.   "Oh, Ben isn't asking me out, I really like him and I want to go out on dates, why aren't boys asking me out?!" (in reality it reads - why isn't Ben asking me out?!)  So then the guys get crap for "not asking" girls out.  Thanks "ladies".  Hard to actually find a real lady.

Another thing that makes these wards absurd, at least mine and the Stake it belongs to, is that they told the girls to say yes and go out with guy at least once.  They obviously don't do this.  Which I agree with the girls on this one.  They shouldn't say yes to every guy that asks them out.  You have to have physical attraction on some level and a slight interest.  The possibility and potential has to be there.  But if you are so focused and intent on one guy that obviously isn't giving you the time of day, and you don't have guts to ask him out, you will be missing out on other great guys out there that actually want to take you out.

Going back a little bit here, I want to just make note of the example I shared.  In my whole life I have been to about 2-3 firesides.  No particular reason why I don't go, I just don't.  They aren't for me you could say.  While in the Singles ward I've been to 0 firesides.  Until recently.  They mentioned that a fireside was being held and blah blah blah and I pretty much thought to myself that I wasn't going.  Then a girl named Katie asked if I was going and I said maybe.  My typical answer which usually turns into a no.  But later in church I felt like I should go to this fireside.  So after church I went to tell Katie that I was going, she said she was going too.  Later that night I go to the fireside, and while waiting for it to start I kept looking around for Katie so she could sit with me but she never came.  While looking though I saw this beautiful girl.  I kept finding myself looking at her from time to time.  So when the fireside was over I got up and thought to myself, "I'll talk to her in a few minutes", and immediately after I thought this, this came into my head, "No, go talk to her now.  Don't take your eyes off her."  So I listened, I saw her getting up and it was obvious she wasn't staying to chat or have refreshments, she was headed for the door.  So I took a side route so I could reach her in time on the stairs, introduced myself, had a small conversation, got her number, etc, then refer to my example for the outcome.  Also, a day or two later I had a strong, good feeling about her.  But...... well you know. 

So what is the point?  I'm beginning to think there isn't one anymore.  Really tired of trying to play the dating game.  On a good note, before the above-mentioned girl, I had gone on two dates with another girl.  Very nice, cute, but it just didn't work.  I knew she wasn't right for me.





Onto other randomness that I have been wanting to mention.

- A month or so ago I sat a couple seats away from a girl that kept shaking her leg in sacrament.  You know these kind of people.  She wasn't just that kind though.  She was shaking her leg insanely hard.  Like violently shaking it.  Literally.  I was thinking how the crap, and why, would you be doing that so intensely?!  Violently shaking of the leg.  I just didn't understand what would possess her to go to that extreme.

- Along with the crazy leg shaker, I was near a guy who wasn't singing any of the hymns.  Now this irks me.  You know I love music.  And some of you might know I suck at singing.  But I sing the hymns.  Singing hymns is giving praise to God.  Why would you not want to do that?  It's almost insulting to sit there and not sing.  My short experience in Singapore/Malaysia showed me that a lot of the poor natives would sing the hymns.  Everyone sang the hymns, no matter what.  And a lot of them were worse than me at singing, but they would do it anyway, they would also pick songs in the hymn book that a ton of people have never even heard of because it is "too weird" or hard to play on the piano.  But they sang.  That is what matters.  In my ward there are two girls that are handicap for whatever reason(I want to say semi autistic), all I know is that its hard for them to talk, but it amazes me that they will sit in their wheelchair and try to sing the hymns.  Every single week.  So it really bugs the crap out of me when people don't want to sing the hymn, for a dumb reason that is.  Because I know there are reasons why you won't, like you are sick and have no voice or whatever else.  But just because you don't feel like it or its not your favorite hymn is a load of crap.  If off pitched and out of tune Malaysian's and handicap girls are giving praise to God, you should be too.  Sing the dang hymn.

- Another random thing is that from going to a lot of activities the ward and stake have, I noticed that a lot of people that I see in sacrament don't go to any of them.  A tidbit hard to try to get to know someone during sacrament, ya know?  I think a lot of people bounce out after sacrament because I don't see certain people in either Sunday school classes.

So there you have it.  Singles wards, not all that great or cracked up to be.  You don't hear from me for a while and then I basically write a novel.  Sorry.  =P

Quote of the Day(Courtship/Marriage):

"There are many qualities you will want to look for in a friend or a serious date--to say nothing of a spouse and eternal companion--but surely among the very first and most basic of those qualities will be those of care and sensitivity toward others, a minimum of self-centeredness that allows compassion and courtesy to be evident. 'That best portion of a good man's life [is] his . . . kindness,' said Mr. William Wordsworth (Lines Composed a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey [1798], lines 33, 35). There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like, but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command--such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them."  - Jeffrey R. Holland