Hooray for the Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons. *Note that was just oh so full of "excitement".
In reality, I don't thoroughly enjoy these two holiday seasons, or New Years for that matter. Why? There are many reasons as to why this is the case. Thanksgiving and Christmas are usually spent with a lot of family, extended and whatnot, which is normally a good thing. But as the years keep on coming it gets worse for me because my cousins all keep getting married, so when I go to these holiday gatherings I'm there alone. Let me reiterate that for you. Alone. It gets boring at a family holiday gathering because you are in a confined house, with minimal space, crowded with people. And the mass majority, if not all, have someone to be there with. There are only two cousins of mine, younger ones, that are not married yet. Most of my cousins have kids, who are even dating. So yeah, where does that put me? In an awkward, boring, lonely situation, thats where. Plus all my cousin's kids bug me, more some than others. I understand they are excited for the holiday, at grandma's or great grandma's house, but I'd rather not have little kids jumping on me, bugging me, pulling on me, coughing on me, yelling, etc etc etc. (Unless they were my own kids of course.)
Even my two sisters are now married. So I have acquired a niece and a nephew from one of them, it feels like they aren't really my niece and nephew. My mom doesn't feel like that they think of her as grandma. Which is understandable because they already have 2 sets of grandparents, how would you handle a third set? Both my brother-in-law and sister were married before, thus they have their dad's parents, ex-wife parents, and now my sister's parents all as grandparents. It would be hard to adjust to that, especially if you like the pair of grandparents (in this case the ex-wife parents) a lot. I couldn't even think of what, or how, I'd handle that.
Anyway, got off track there. Let's jump back in time to my younger years of Thanksgivings and Christmases. When I was little, there was this toy laser gun. A simple toy, put in a 9volt battery in the handle of the gun, press the trigger and it'd make this delicious, awful, annoying, yet brilliant sound. And the lights at the front would light up when you pulled the trigger(the lights stopped working years ago). That's all it did. Growing up over the years, my grandmother grew, to a sense or point, of hating this annoying little laser gun. The one great thing about this toy gun is the trigger. Its not a normal trigger at all, not your standard image of click and shoot. If you did that with this toy gun the sound would be very short and boring every time you did it. The beautiful thing is, you hold the trigger down for however long you want to. And it'll keep making the sound. Never ending. Ever. Until your finger comes off of it. That's how it works. So if you quickly squeezed it repeatedly you'd get fast annoying laser sounds, or holding it for a long time you'd get the same annoying sound just for a long time. My grandma took to hiding this gun after we'd leave. But every time I went over I'd find it. And blast it. The last time I found it and used it, all my cousin's kids that were there wanted it. That's all they wanted. Annoyed and bugged me for it. It's not theirs though. This small, wondrous, forgotten treasure is part of my past, part of some of my cousin's past, not their kids. They wouldn't treat it well, they'd break it. This was a treasure to us, a treasure of fun and annoyance, a simple toy with power beyond imagination. They don't make good quality toys these days(or anything for that matter), an ancient treasure like this can not be put in the hands of little punks who doesn't know what this toy means, because I know they'd ruin it. And there is definitely no replacing such an item like this. So what happened to this toy? It still exists. In perfect working condition. Hiding. Hiding from those little monsters. Waiting for me to one day claim it once again because my other cousins have forgotten about it. Its a forgotten treasure. But still, a treasure nonetheless. This is what it looks like:
A Forgotten Treasure
4 In The Morning
Well then. Imagine that. I've been falling, getting back up just to fall down again. Over. And over. And over. Now though....... I reached a new low. I couldn't help but laugh at myself, not hysterically mind you, oh no, not that at all. I'm beyond the point of hysteria. I laughed because of all things I managed to find this new low. I didn't think it was possible. But here I am. Knowing that I, and I alone, must get myself back up and dust myself off, because I know nobody really cares. Excluding family. Everyone just cares about their own little world they have created. I may keep to myself more often than not, but I always give people a hearty hello, strike up conversations, I thank people for various reasons, I tell people to have a good day or night, because who knows their day could have been quite crappy or whatever is going on in their life. But in end I know it comes down to me getting up, not relying on someone to be there. Because I know friends will come and go, some will stay longer than others, but they all end up going at some point, so what's the use of relying on them when you know you can't always count on them? Which is exactly why I'm getting up. Alone.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, the more things change the more they stay the same. I look at my computer desktop and see the temperature for Denmark, which makes me wish I was there. To see where some of my ancestors lived, to see and feel life there. I wish I was there so I could start new, to start from scratch. A blank canvas. It would be so nice to leave all the crap people I know here and go start fresh where no one knows me. The more I think about it the better it sounds. Maybe I'll make it an official goal. Heh.
I wish I was already gone.
Scrimmageeeeeeeeee!
Saturday was fun. I played in a soccer scrimmage, first game of soccer in a LONG time for me.
I played on my friends team, and we played against a team full of Koreans. Instead of 2 halves, we played 4 quarters. I believe the Koreans were trying out 4 different goalies. I was fine most of the game, until the last quarter. I realized how dehydrated I always am, how out of shape, and how much I miss playing soccer.
I've already started working on drinking more water and running. But it'll take a little while to get up to speed, my body is being broken down and getting sore. But its like I'm an old sword, being put into the forge fire and being beaten with a hammer against an anvil. I have to be broken down in order to become a swift, sharp, deadly blade once again.
As for the scrimmage, we won 4-3. :)
My Nemesis
Ah, once again I come face to face with my oldest friend and oldest enemy. My almighty nemesis. Exercise.
Being a little child I didn't know what "exercise" was. I was simply happy to run around because it was fun. Exercise had become one of my closest friends and allies. Then came sports, which was also fun, and became competitive. Exercise became even closer to me. After high school though.......... Being absent from physical fitness in any real form, and for such a long time, I had turned my friend Exercise against me. It hated me for betraying it, for stop paying attention to her, for forgetting all the great times we had together. Oh sure I've ran into my nemesis from time to time, but my nemesis would always win, would always dominate me and make me run away. Kind of like the little white rabbit in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", I always think of them saying "RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!". I simply love it.
Now though, it is time for me to take a stand and win. I have always thought of people and situations they are place in, are they the type who cower and fear, do they simply TRY and fail and give up hope, or are they the kind who rise up to the challenge and simply DO, and succeed? I always thought myself to be the kind who rise up and meet the challenge, and I will be. I will conquer my nemesis this time. I will remind her that I haven't forgotten the old times, and we shall be friends and allies once again. We will be a stronger team than ever before. We will become one. We will be. We will do. We. Will. Win.
P.S. We crossed paths tonight nemesis. I've risen up to the fight. Let's dance.
Consistency
Consistency. The one of many things I lack, but its something that I must regain now.
Having no job, no friends to hang out with, no team to be a part of, and no girl to spend time with, all of those have played a part in the deterioration of what used to be my consistency.
I used to have a nice routine of getting up at a certain time, eating breakfast, getting ready by a certain hour, so on and so forth. School or a job helps with that, they force me go to bed early and wake up at the same time every day. Having neither of them, for a long period of time has eaten away at me. One can only take so many hours of looking through job postings until you run out of new ones. Day after day your hope diminishes a notch with no outcomes of anything on the horizon, which leads to less looking.
I am consistent in only two things.
#1 - Consistency in inconsistency. What I mean by this is, every day, or not, I'll shower at various hours of each day and sometimes not. I'll eat breakfast one day and then I won't the next. The list goes on. Nothing is ever at the same time as the previous few days. I'll go to bed whenever, usually late, and when I mean late I mean 1am - 4am. I'll wake up whenever.
#2 - Consistency in video games. I am not proud about this at all. I grew up playing video games, and I love them just as much as any other gamer, but I'm breaking the Golden rule and have gone far into a vice.(If I remember my philosophy right) Hopelessness has driven me into a hermit hole of just playing a fun(yet stupid) game. Because in the end all video games just waste time.
Like I mentioned before, I grew up playing video games. BUT!!! I also grew up playing a couple sports. I used to spend hours upon hours outside, across the street, playing basketball. In the Summer I'd wake up, eat, get ready, and play basketball all day and well into the evening and night. I also played a lot of soccer. I love both video games and sports(mainly soccer, and just running around), but balancing the two is very difficult.
Instead of spending precious hours playing a video game, I plan on using my time more effectively and towards something that will help me be healthier and to have some consistency in my life once again. I plan on playing soccer again.
I haven't been stuck in a dark hole, more like I've been stranded in a vast desert with the sun blaring high in the sky, but like both situations the hope hasn't been there.
What brought all this up? Oddly enough, The World Cup. Silly that something like that could bring some small amount of motivation, but I know that in the end it has to be me, the motivation has to come from within. Its been hard lately to get up and do anything, I sleep too much because I like my dreams and don't want to face reality, its hard to eat when you have no appetite for life thus I sometimes eat twice and even just once a day.
I am compiling a small routine to start following, and depending on how well I stick to it I will add to it. We'll see how things go.
The King of the Seas and Oceans
Yesterday was marvelous, primarily on the account of having a superb feast of Alaskan King Crab.
I rarely get the chance to dine on such a delectable thing as crab, but it is my favorite thing to eat. Ever. And yesterday was in celebration of my birthday, even though it had already past. I wanted King Crab because I had not had any in quite some time. It was due time and high time that I get some of that luscious crab meat inside me. And man was it oh so amazing. As always.
I can't wait until the next time I get to feast on such a fine cuisine as Alaskan King Crab again. I'll be waiting, and I'll be ready.
Spriiiiing!
You know what I love about this month? As much as I love to get out and run, or play a sport, or enjoy the rain, nothing can top the beauty and the smell of the blooming lilacs. They are only around for such a short period of time and I love to sit out on the deck and just inhale the wonderful scent coming from them. In fact, I think I'll go take some picture of them while they are still around.
Party time!
Thursday, the 8th of April, 2010.
At 5:00pm, I left my house with my sister in my car. Our destination: Downtown.
I reach my destination with time to spare, my sister remains with the car as she waits for someone to come pick her up, for she had other plans. I, on the other hand would spend the night partying it up like no other.
This party was gonna be going until the sun came up baby. And for attending this party I got paid a nice sum of monies. The party wasn't gonna start for quite a while, in the meantime I was to change my shirt, sit around, talk with people, get makeup applied to my face, and then it was time.
The shuttles, vans, came and took groups of us to "the party house". Lights were every where, everything was set just the way they wanted it. When everyone was there, they positioned us to their liking to make the party nice and well balanced in all places. People in the front, people inside, on the balcony, and on the roof. Tons of drinks such as martinis, glasses full of wine, and bottles of beer. The icecubes though were plastic. By now they were ready. Ready for the first take of the scene. The first part to "the party scene".
That's right. You heard me correctly. The scene. As in, a movie scene.
This party was "hoppin" the whole night. Lots of standing around, chit-chatting away, a midnight-ish lunch was provided, lots of shivering in the cold. We were inside and outside a lot for different takes of the scene, lots of the same stuff. We literally stayed up until the sun came up over the mountain. Its tough wearing Spring/Summer party clothes when its 40 degrees or lower, if you know what I mean. We left around 7:30am.
It was a fun experience, I enjoyed it immensely. I met a bunch of people. Aubrey, a girl who I found out grew up with my sister. Rochelle, an older woman who does photography, works as a movie crew member, and has done some modeling. Phil, a caterer, and awesome down to earth guy who gets things, he isn't a moron by any means, very chill guy. Stacey and Leilani, both very nice girls and fun to talk to.
The movie is called "127 Hours", based off of a true story about a guy who went hiking in Moab, UT, and got trapped under a boulder, he tore off his limb or whatever to survive. The director is very famous, he made the movie "Slumdog Millionaire" and "28 Days Later", Danny Boyle, an Oscar award winner. I talked to him, was a mere arms length away from him many times. Bloody awesome I must say.
Even though I was nothing but a party extra, it was worth the experience. And hopefully more will come. This is only the beginning.
Oh, guess what? I'm in a movie!!! (: Just letting out some excitement.
Ewwww
Every time I hear this song, "Owl City - Fireflies", I throw up a little in my mouth. Okay I don't really throw up, but my mind thinks that. I find that song to be so annoying and stupid. It rubs me the wrong way.
Mission Log #41
My monitor has finally gone kapoot! So, I'm currently using a family members monitor, while I wait for this bad boy to arrive: http://www.tigerdirect.com/applications/SearchTools/item-details.asp?EdpNo=4605334&CatId=4420
So, back in day I had always wanted to check out Gwen Stefani's music after hearing one of her songs but for some reason I never did. A couple months ago though, I finally got around to checking out her music and........ I fell in love. I can't stop listening to her music and watching certain videos over and over and over again. I also fell in love with her. I watched a ton of interviews with her and if I had to pick a celebrity crush she would instantly be my number one choice. I still have yet to buy her CDs. All the places I go to simply fail and SUCK balls because they don't carry crap. I will have them though. Her music even inspired a new poem from my distant mind. This event of not checking out her music and waiting for no reason, reminded me of when I did this with some NOFX CDs I had, when I finally listened to them I loved the CDs, they helped me when I needed them. Music is a life saver for me, always uplifting me, renewing my spirit to go on, and my brain unconsciously and purposely withholds my will to listen to certain music because it knows I will need it later on because I always need to new music(and old) to help me rise up. Both NOFX and Gwen Stefani has done this. Weird how my mind knows I will like it, so it reserves the music for later for when I need it, when hard times come a knocking.
Still looking for a J-O-B. It sucks. I think I might just go for what I want, it'll be tough, but well worth it.
"Shutter Island" was an awesome movie. Usually I can pick out the plot, its so obvious and makes it kind of boring sometimes. With this movie.....oh yeah! It definitely threw me off. Well worth the money.
"Alice In Wonderland", another amazing movie. I'm an Alice fan, some think she's just some crazy girl who took shrooms, but she's just a very imaginative girl who falls down a hole, into Wonderland. :) I loved how they did a good job with this movie and made it her return to Wonderland, job well done! Great movie!
I'm not a big TV watcher, but I've been sucked into 2 shows. "The Millionaire Matchmaker" and "Archer". Probably so far apart from each other, makes you wonder how my mind works.
"The Millionaire Matchmaker" is kind of a reality show, but not really, Patty Stanger has a gift of being a true matchmaker like her mother and grandmother before her, and has made a club for millionaires to join, and she matches them up. Patty speaks what's on her mind and isn't afraid to say anything, she's awesome. Patty even has a book out which is basically 101 tips on dating. I might end up buying it for a good read, she gives good tips on the shows too.
As for "Archer", haha gotta love it. "Archer" is a cartoon, for mature audiences. Its simply awesome. Secret agents, craziness everywhere, smart ass characters, you just have to watch it.
END Mission log #41.
Sunken Ship
Terrible, awful news! The ship has sunk! Its lost forever! :(
This last Friday, I was headed towards one of my favorite little food places: Skippers. A wonderful seafood place with good fish and amazing clam chowder. As I approached to its location, I couldn't see the giant sign with its name on it. I arrive at the spot to only find a fenced off area of nothingness. It was simply gone. Poof. Like some magician had just waved his hand and it vanished. There was no warning that they were "going out of business", if that was the case. There was also no sign saying they had moved. This was the last known Skippers to my knowledge, and to the knowledge of family members.
Skippers is no more. Such a sad day.
Generation Game Over
A couple days ago I went to the store to exchange a piece of clothing at a store, on my way there I saw four people of the younger generations walking around in the cold weather. There were two guys and two girls, and they were paired up. One pair, the guy had no coat but a long sleeve shirt on, and the girl had a coat. The second pair though..... simply fail. The guy had a coat on and the girl had NO coat and a SHORT sleeve shirt on. I was able to watch them a short distance and what I witnessed was sheer idiocy. The guy TAKES his coat OFF......... and just HOLDS it. In cold weather and late at night.
WHAT THE HECK?! I mean honestly what the crap! You would think he would GIVE his coat to the GIRL but NOOOOOOOO instead he just holds it in his hands. I would love to just run up to him and beat him with a baseball bat. I am finding that far too many of the younger generations have no manners, no chivalry, and are lacking majorly in the intelligence department.
I weep for the future. Mainly my own country because it fails in so many ways. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of good things but I'd rather live elsewhere.
If I was on a date I would have given her my coat a couple minutes after being outside, if not before going outside.
Simply fail.
Setting Sail!
Ahhhhh, good old blog. Reminds me of the days of xanga. Which no one uses any more really. But that is another story. This story I'm about to tell is about setting sail!
As a wee tyke growing up I loved Legos. I started playing with them, buying more of them, even collecting them. I always loved medieval Lego sets, pirates, and ninjas. I got quite a collection of various sets, nothing like a huge collection, but it sure isn't small.
As I became older my Lego interest went downhill for various reasons; such as getting older and growing up, interests in other things, the lack of "cool" Lego sets. But every now and then I would see something that was spectacularly awesome that I just had to have! So I'd buy it from the catalog, which has now become buying it online. I still get their catalogs ever since I got my first Lego castle back in the day on Christmas. It is there, the catalogs, where I see such magnificent beauties that I must have.
To this day I still buy Legos. It is rare when it happens, but I still do. And the one thing that I always have to buy is simply this: ships.
This new catalog I just got has a new one! And I will be getting it. It looks like this:
This year has many things in store for me. Some I am aware of, some that I'm not. If things go according to plan, this year will be grueling, yet rewarding and life changing at the same time. I'll be sailing away on my new ship, to new adventures and new places. To meet new people and see rare things. The winds of change have come and I will be out there, sailing the seas, and facing every challenging storm and squall that comes my way!
