Nothing makes you feel more alive than pain. Got to love having a sun burn.
The Sunday Post - Issue #2
So here we are. Again.
My sacramental A.D.D. was present again. It didn't help that the girl I was sitting next to was also moving around a lot and doing various things. She told me her whole family has A.D.D. pretty much. Not only did I end up sitting next to her, I actually ran into her at "Famous Dave's". I went there earlier in the week for my late birthday dinner and apparently she works there. She even let the cat out of the bag and my server, parents, and her sang happy birthday to me and I got a free ice cream sundae. I have to think of something to get her back, although on the other hand she got me a free sundae........
I've been having some negative feelings and thoughts in relation to my current situation. What I'm about to share pre-dates today's feelings and it deals with driving. Every now and then I will be driving and this crazy thought appears in my head, "What if I just keep driving so fast and drive right into that building?", or wall, or whatever. What would it be like to just end it quickly or cause severe injury to one self like that? Of course I would never do it. Ever. It probably would be nice sometimes but I wouldn't do it. For one, I like my car, and I like not having to spend money to fix it. Then there is my body of course. What would it be like though?! Two other things come to mind while I've been driving. "What if I don't get off this exit but instead just keep driving and driving until I reach some place new and start over?" Now that would be crazy. The other thing deals with a fear and it usually only happens when I'm driving behind certain things, for example a truck with its tailgate down and in it there are tons of poles(like flagpoles or poles/tubes for a sprinkler system), then this thought comes in, "What if one of those poles gets loose and comes flying through my windshield and spearing me through my eye?". Gruesome? Yes. But I can't help it. Other things that go along with that would be like "What if that chain snaps and hits me?" or "What if a bolt come flying off a tire and through my windshield?" Anyway....... moving on!
So these negative feelings aren't really negative, but one could tell I wasn't happy, but I wasn't sad either. All I can do is thank whatever struggle I'm trying to endure and overcome, because without it I could not grow. As much as I don't want to thank my struggle or for God for giving it to me, I must. I wouldn't have it if I couldn't overcome it. Interesting thing today in church, if we haven't had a trial in while we have been told to actually pray for one. An example someone shared was about someones uncle. Everything was going fine, kids going to college, career was fine, and he asked for a trial. Two weeks later his wife died. Of course he didn't want something like that, but it makes you think.
Another thing brought up was things we get for free. People will enjoy and play with whatever they got for free for a little bit but it gets old and tossed out pretty dang quick. Things we work for and put forth energy to obtain are things we end up keeping around and sometimes cherishing. God doesn't just hand out free things, because He wants us to appreciate what we get, He wants us to earn things that mean something to us. This gets me thinking about a lot of stuff, the main thing that comes to mind was basketball.
I used to play, shoot hoops, a lot growing up. When I say a lot I mean a lot. I would come home from school with homework usually already done, grab the basketball and start playing on my neighbor's hoop. Six to seven hours later, sometimes more, with a quick dinner gobbled down, it would be time for bed. Yup, I played that much. I would even play when it was windy or raining/snowing. Simple solution was: put some gloves on and maybe a jacket. The whole downside to all of this was I was short. I was one of the shortest kids growing up through elementary and most of middle school. Still, to this day, I'm only 5'8". While most NBA players are 6'1"+, that is half a foot taller and longer arms than myself. Maybe I should of tried reaching there anyway, kind of late to do that now though.
The reason I thought of that first was because I put a lot of energy and time into becoming a better player, dribbler, shooter, etc. That was then. This is now. I think of now and my energy and time isn't being put to good use to something that I truly want. The motivation isn't there. Which got me thinking of why I don't go running or play basketball anymore, where has my motivation gone? What motivates me now? I'll be honest, I have no idea. I struggle to get up each day, because I know I don't have a class to attend to or a job to go to. I've become addicted to my sweet dreams that my brain conjures up while I sleep. I go back to sleep because I know its another empty, dreary day, or I simply press the snooze button a bajillion times. God knows what motivates me, He knows how we all work and think. I wish I knew what motivates me. Some how I'm still here. Still breathing. Still living. Some how.
Today's quote is related to our topics in church: music. And if you know me, I'm a huge music fan, aside from my strange beginnings with it, but that is for another time.
Two Quotes for today:
Quote #1 - "Hymns play an essential role in spirituality, revelation, and conversion.
"Hymns are 'an essential part of our church meetings. [They] invite the
Spirit of the Lord' (Hymns, ix). They often do this quicker than
anything else we may do. President J. Reuben Clark Jr. said, 'We get
nearer to the Lord through music than perhaps through any other thing
except prayer' (in Conference Report, Oct. 1936, 111)." - Jay E. Jensen, "The Nourishing Power of Hymns," Ensign, May 2007, 11.
Quote #2 - “A wise man once said, ‘Music is one of the most forceful instruments
for governing the mind.’ Whether it governs in a positive way or a
negative way is determined by what it brings onto the stage of your
mind. If you can say that a song is spiritually inspiring or that it
urges you to see yourself in a more noble perspective, the music is
worthwhile. If it merely entertains or lifts your spirits, then it also
has a useful place. But if it makes you want to respond in a carnal,
sensual way or to consider unrighteous desires, then that music should
be avoided. It is not worthy.” - Boyd K. Packer, "The Message: Worthy Music, Worthy Thoughts,” New Era, Apr. 2008, 9.
The Sunday Post - 1st Edition Issue
Welcome to the 1st Edition of The Sunday Post!
The whole idea of The Sunday Post is to help keep me writing and thinking, to provide my random thoughts that occurred on each passing Sunday, and to simply promote positive thoughts. I thought about starting this a few Sundays ago but I kept putting it off for no apparent reason. Now, though, I have finally gotten the gumption to sit down and start it.
So, today I was reluctant to awake(which seems to be the case a lot these days), but it was more so today thanks to the previous days events that kept me up later than expected. Which, in turn, made me press my snooze more times than necessary which then continues the domino effect of me getting up late, getting ready late, and getting to church late. Now, if you know me well enough you would know that I'm usually on time to everything, and in the rare case that I am late it is usually never more than five minutes. Today though...... All I can say is thanks to my two sisters and my brother-in-law, and it being my birthday and all yesterday, that that is an excuse enough to me sleeping in longer than normal and being roughly 30 minutes late to church. Oops, right? :D Oh well.
This Sunday, like the last couple, it has been hard to focus on anything. Especially sacrament meeting. It is like I some how developed a weird form of A.D.D. spontaneously. Today I would be listening to the speaker then two minutes later I'm watching someone leave only to find myself now looking around on the other side of the room, now I'm paying attention to the two music people up front having a conversation, then back to the speaker, so on and so forth. I'm the type of person who can easily sit, look, and listen to the speaker and every word they say, even to the point where I sit and count how many times they say "uh" or "um", that is how attentive and focused I normally am. So what happened?! I have no idea, but I am definitely curious to how this will progress.
Today was also our "Linger Longer" day. Once a month we have what we call "Linger Longer", it is a social event that takes place after church is over where whoever wants to stay and talk or whatever can, and the cherry on top or the icing on the cake is that there is food. You come to linger a bit longer while eating food and getting to know people. This month we had cereal for the food which was fine, a change up that's for sure. I normally sit at a table with a new face there so I can get to know more people but I didn't today, I had simply conformed to just sitting with a couple people that I am already friends with. I would of sat elsewhere for sure, because I had my eye on someone(yes a girl), but she wasn't present at the "Linger Longer".
The Sunday Post will be done every Sunday, I will try to keep it roughly around the same time frame. Like I mentioned before, the whole idea of this is to keep me writing and thinking, to open a small view hole into what is my life and so-called existence, and to provide positive thoughts. I have been, and apparently, still am in a rough patch where nothing seems to be working the way I want them to or need them to, regardless of the fact of what I do and don't do and all the prayers that have been said. So with that being said I felt compelled to put a quote up at the end of each blog post done by The Sunday Post that will relate to my current standing in life and my thoughts. Seeing that I haven't been able to get a job in a year, I thought that enduring to the end is appropriate and very important, so this quote comes from Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Twelve Apostles(one of my favorites, which makes it great for this first edition).
Quote:
"Enduring to the end is not just a matter of passively tolerating life's difficult circumstances or 'hanging in there.' Ours is an active religion, helping God's children along the strait and narrow path to develop their full potential during this life and return to Him one day. Viewed from this perspective, enduring to the end is exalting and glorious, not grim and gloomy. This is a joyful religion, one of hope, strength, and deliverance. 'Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy' (2 Nephi 2:25).
"Enduring to the end is a process filling every minute of our life, every hour, every day, from sunrise to sunrise. It is accomplished through personal discipline following the commandments of God."
End Quote
This quote is found in this topic title - "Have We Not Reason to Rejoice?" Ensign, Nov. 2007, 20.
