It's All I Can Do

Who would of thought. "The Cars" always puts me in a marvelous mood, tonight though, somehow it has done the opposite. I was in a good mood, especially after such a long and tiring, but good, week of work. Bleh.

A few highlights that has transpired this week. On the way home after work this week, two or three days ago, I saw a license plate with a saying on it which put a smile on my face. This is what it said: "Read the Book of Mormon, It'll change your life". I thought that was simply awesome, the vehicle appeared to have two hispanic people in it.

Another so-called highlight was from today, again on the way home from work, I saw an "Opeth" sticker on a person's car which I just thought was cool because that band is just talented in many ways.

New topic, I remember growing up having crushes on girls I liked. Those days are gone of course, but in a different sort of way. I seem to have a problem of actually identifying if I actually have a "crush" on someone these days. Maybe its because I've been alone for so long and think foolish things. There are a few girls at my work that are good looking, but only two that I would actually take on a date. Am I crushing on them? I haven't a clue. I mean, yeah they are beautiful but I don't really know them at all. Its not easy like it was back in the old days of being in school. Back then I had good luck, the girl I liked actually liked me back, probably because there were slimmer pickings to choose from. Now though my luck is nonexistent and I'm sick of trying.

There is a guy at work. He's LDS, age 31 I believe, and single. One of the two girls I wouldn't mind asking out is 26, also LDS, and single from what I've pieced together, and served a mission. This got me thinking, there are so many nice and good people that never find someone. Amazing as they are, faithful as they are and yet they don't find their someone. Then I look at this hideous beast of a girl that works there, who isn't LDS, an unintelligent being who spews forth nothing but pure idiocy, and happens to be married for many years now. How is that fair? Yes, I do acknowledge the fact that she is a human being too and deserves someone, but is that really fair? Its not, and you know it.

Whenever I come across someone who is older and single, I always pray that they will find their someone. People that deserve someone who will treat them right and love them for who they are.

I look upon myself and think will I ever find someone? Or will I be another amongst those who end up with no one? My patriarchal blessing mentions something, but it was wrong about my mission even though I was faithful like it said and yet it didn't come true. Who knows how much truth are in those. Especially after seeing my father's.

I feel drawn towards the 26 year old girl, even though I think she doesn't have interest in me.

I bet I could just disappear and no one would notice or care. Just another person in society who falls through the cracks and is forever lost.

I wrote an incomplete poem today, it'll probably remain incomplete and never become one of my poems, but I liked this part:
"I want to put a gun to my head,
Pull the trigger again and again,
Until there are no more memories.
I want to start over.
I want to live again."

Oh well.

P.S. I got donuts at work, woohoo!