Consistency

Consistency. The one of many things I lack, but its something that I must regain now.

Having no job, no friends to hang out with, no team to be a part of, and no girl to spend time with, all of those have played a part in the deterioration of what used to be my consistency.

I used to have a nice routine of getting up at a certain time, eating breakfast, getting ready by a certain hour, so on and so forth. School or a job helps with that, they force me go to bed early and wake up at the same time every day. Having neither of them, for a long period of time has eaten away at me. One can only take so many hours of looking through job postings until you run out of new ones. Day after day your hope diminishes a notch with no outcomes of anything on the horizon, which leads to less looking.

I am consistent in only two things.
#1 - Consistency in inconsistency. What I mean by this is, every day, or not, I'll shower at various hours of each day and sometimes not. I'll eat breakfast one day and then I won't the next. The list goes on. Nothing is ever at the same time as the previous few days. I'll go to bed whenever, usually late, and when I mean late I mean 1am - 4am. I'll wake up whenever.
#2 - Consistency in video games. I am not proud about this at all. I grew up playing video games, and I love them just as much as any other gamer, but I'm breaking the Golden rule and have gone far into a vice.(If I remember my philosophy right) Hopelessness has driven me into a hermit hole of just playing a fun(yet stupid) game. Because in the end all video games just waste time.

Like I mentioned before, I grew up playing video games. BUT!!! I also grew up playing a couple sports. I used to spend hours upon hours outside, across the street, playing basketball. In the Summer I'd wake up, eat, get ready, and play basketball all day and well into the evening and night. I also played a lot of soccer. I love both video games and sports(mainly soccer, and just running around), but balancing the two is very difficult.

Instead of spending precious hours playing a video game, I plan on using my time more effectively and towards something that will help me be healthier and to have some consistency in my life once again. I plan on playing soccer again.

I haven't been stuck in a dark hole, more like I've been stranded in a vast desert with the sun blaring high in the sky, but like both situations the hope hasn't been there.

What brought all this up? Oddly enough, The World Cup. Silly that something like that could bring some small amount of motivation, but I know that in the end it has to be me, the motivation has to come from within. Its been hard lately to get up and do anything, I sleep too much because I like my dreams and don't want to face reality, its hard to eat when you have no appetite for life thus I sometimes eat twice and even just once a day.

I am compiling a small routine to start following, and depending on how well I stick to it I will add to it. We'll see how things go.