Sunlight Theory

There is much I want to say. Most of which are things that shouldn't be shared, even with my own ears. The things I keep locked away would only disappoint and dishearten people. Things that are too sad. So what can I say? Nothing really. Not much happens in my own little world, nothing that matters anyways.

A handful of weeks ago I had washed my car. And for the first time ever, it did not rain the day after. Or the rest of the week. It was nice to be able to have washed a car and enjoy the shininess of it for a long time. You know how it goes, you wash a car and it rains later that day or the next. Its inevitable. Or so I thought. It had put a smile on my face.

I watched "Seven Pounds" today. Very sad. It was good though. If you haven't seen it, its worth a viewing. The main character does what I yearn to do, and yet can not. To fix things, in a sense. Make up for what he did.

A couple weeks back I was able to go to a "reunion" of sorts with some old co-worker friends. We had it at "The Pie". Going to this made me realize that I don't fit in with them anymore, or anywhere for that matter. It was kind of a waste of time. The only thing I got out of it was the pizza, gotta love "The Pie". I wish I could find a group of reliable friends or friend, trustworthy and straightforward, no fakes or two-faced chumps. At least I can always rely on good pizza and music.

I feel so lost and alone. All I really have left is my family and there are just some things you can't talk to them about, that's why we have friends or a sweetheart.

I'm sick of people being jerks. A little history, there is a group of us that know each other from growing up and we all play "World of Warcraft" now.(Yeah yeah, don't give me any crap, after all I grew up playing video games, at least I'm not a full fledged nerd or even close to being one). Anyways, one day I get on to play and I find out that 4 of them are all at one house playing together via LAN. Where was my invite? That is simply rude. They even had the person that was hardly playing at the time there instead of me. That's just the beginning. Recently a few of us were in our chat server(Ventrilo, a program that lets you talk to each other using microphones), and one of them had invited the other 2 to his house(the same house mentioned earlier) because they were going to do raids all night long with their high leveled characters.(I don't have a high level character yet, thus I didn't get invited) That is simply rude though, the whole point of the game is to have fun with each other, and they all know it and would say that if you asked them, and yet I get left out. I get the impression that 1 or more people necessarily doesn't like me, thus my statements about finding new and reliable friends. Ones I can do stuff with and talk to. None of this crap. There are just so many examples I could give of past friendships that have ended that it pisses me off and just want someone that I can trust to always be there.

I'm also sick of females and their lame excuses and lack of manners. But that's a whole different story. A compliment, a misunderstanding, an attempt for a second chance to start over, and then nothing. No response back, I thought maybe she was different, especially from her first response. Apparently I was wrong. Can't she just give a guy a chance? I mean seriously?! I don't even know why I try anymore. Its just ridiculous and ends up making me feel worse and disheartened.

At least Fall is basically here. My favorite season will help with my troubled heart and mind a little. I really hope things will change, I'm tired of feeling like this, its wearing me far too thin, I'm on the verge of total chaos and self-destruction. :(